For my next trick, I will attempt the death defying “Having a guy over without your child knowing about it.”
It was second date time and though we batted around the idea of going out, when you “go out” as a single mom, it ends up costing everyone. Sure he pays for the drinks and the meal, but you’re shelling out $40 for someone to sit at your house and watch your television while your child sleeps. So ultimately I gave him a choice… we could go out and I could hire a sitter, or he could give me carte blanche to run a full criminal background and public record search on him and, assuming all was clean, he could come over and watch a movie after J went to sleep.
He chose full criminal background… which probably tells you a little bit about the kind of guy this is.
Yesterday morning, like the good little lawyer I am, I delegated the “chore” of researching my date to my law clerks. They diligently searched and searched and by mid-morning presented me with a manilla folder full of information, neatly pared down to a one page memo of highlights: divorced, speeding ticket in 1998, family members’ names, current address. Nothing too alarming.
So I texted and gave him the green light to come over once J was in bed. We’d had a rough Sunday and no naps all weekend so I figured bed time would be a breeze and by 7:30 J would be passed out.
Never assume CRAP when it comes to toddlers.
At 7:15, I was still singing round after round of “Wheels on the Bus” which is, inexplicably, J’s favorite “lullaby.” At 7:20, I was wondering if he somehow knew I had plans and was punishing me. At 7:45 when my date arrived, J was FINALLY asleep. And in what can only be called a miracle, he never woke up while the date was in the house.
As for the part you’re all interested in… that part went well. We started a movie and cracked open a bottle of wine. We paused the movie, finished the wine, and talked until almost midnight. HE was a perfect gentleman… hands off, no funny business.
The same could not be said for me.
And that is all I have to say about that except that don’t worry, mom, my clothes stayed on. All of them.
